DIANE DARBY
Diane Darby is a wife, mother and retired
Educator

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD CHOOSES A GAY LIFESTYLE
We never expected this lifestyle to
We were raised in the Seventh-day
become a choice for either of our
Adventist Church, attended its schools,
daughters, and the initial shock left
and stayed active members.
us uncertain about how to move
forward. What had we done to cause
We joyfully fulfilled our hopes of
her to make this choice? The
marriage and starting a family, and our
scriptures surely condemn the
life together continues to be fulfilling.
lifestyle. We questioned what it
Guided by our parents’ example of
meant for grandchildren, how to
marital partnership, we made our vows
adapt our lives and beliefs, and how
with the intention to set a similar
others would react. Despite many
example for our own children.
mixed emotions, my heart aches for
her—she’s still my beloved child.
We welcomed two daughters into our
family and began preparing for their
upbringing. From the outset, we
prioritized introducing them to Christian
values and teachings. Providing them
with access to Christian education was
carefully considered as a significant
aspect of their development when the
appropriate time arrived.
The years spent nurturing our daughters at
home were filled with countless milestones
and moments of pride. We celebrated each
success, whether it was participating in the
13th Sabbath Programs, attending teacher
conferences, or accompanying them on
field trips. Their involvement in Pathfinders
brought joy and opportunities for growth.
Birthdays and graduations became
cherished family events, each one a
testament to their development and the
love and joy that filled our busy lives as our
daughters grew into young women.
High school and college graduations
represent significant milestones in
higher education. It is rewarding to
observe these young women as they
develop and prepare to assume their
roles within society, poised to
contribute meaningfully and establish
their presence.
As our daughters grew up, we expected
them to make their own choices and
hoped they would seek guidance from
God. That gave us confidence in their
direction.
Disagreements and miscommunications
contributed to tension and created
distance within the relationship. Over
time, we experienced both positive and
negative developments. Challenges
arose that strained the relationship,
particularly with the child who had
previously expressed a strong
commitment to remain close. A candid
conversation did not resolve matters as
intended; instead, defensive barriers
were erected to protect against further
emotional discomfort. Although efforts
such as prayer were made, an underlying
sense of heaviness persisted.
Time went on, and we stayed in
touch, offering support and
guidance as needed. With open arms
and no expectations, we remained
loving parents—never pushy or
condescending—and prayed daily for
her well-being and spiritual journey.
Whenever possible, we reached out,
encouraged by family members who
also supported her in prayer.
Together with her supportive sister,
we always wanted the best for her,
regardless of her lifestyle
choices. We remain loving and
welcoming, cherishing every time we
can connect. She is still our
daughter—valued, talented, and
important to us. Our role is not to
judge, but to love. 

Together with her supportive sister, we always wanted the best for her,
regardless of her lifestyle choices. We remain loving and welcoming,
cherishing every time we can connect. She is still our daughter—valued,
talented, and important to us. Our role is not to judge, but to love.
Every reader should recognize that this lifestyle comes with challenges that
many may not understand. It’s important to be receptive, share openly,
forgive, and value others, remembering the significance of care and
compassion. Whether it’s a loved one or friend, support is essential.
You may desire that your loved one choose a different path in life. It is
important to recognize that change is often influenced by personal
conviction and support systems. Many believe that spiritual transformation
plays a significant role in personal growth. Individuals have unique needs
and, through reflection and aspiration, meaningful change can occur for both
you and your loved ones.
It is beneficial to seek and appreciate quality time with your loved one, as
such connections are valuable for everyone’s well-being. Remember God is
the Heart Changer! He knows just what we each need. As we long for Him, we
will be changed!
Share love at every opportunity! Get together and talk! Have lunch! Share
needs. Most of all, be a listener!